Blame It On The Rain

It's eerily silent in my house - child playing quietly in his room, puppy curled up next to me on the couch sleeping. All I can hear is the rain outside, and it's making me think.

Seriously, what's with me and all this thinking?

You know, last week when I watched the Grey's Anatomy season finale I was really mad that I was single. No, not because the whole episode was about just letting go of fear and telling people that you love them. No, not because people were getting hurt and dying. But because when the most shocking thing I've seen happen on a TV show occurred, THERE WAS NO ONE AROUND TO GASP IN HORROR WITH ME. No fun, gasping in horror alone in your living room. In fact, you kind of feel like an idiot.

One other thing I thought of this week that makes me mad I'm single.

I have to kill all the bugs. I mean, that's not even fair. I hate bugs. Bugs are to be killed by big, strong men. And all you girl power feminists out there can just shut it. Because bugs are gross and crawly and slimy and they scurry and I'm just tired of killing them. On a more positive note, Raid now makes an ant killer that smells like Lemon Pledge. No lie. Wonder what kind of toxic chemicals now fill the air, innocently masked in a luscious citrus scent?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, when I start dating again I'm hoping to find a Grey's Anatomy loving, super bug killing guy to spend my days with. I am pretty sure this is not going to be difficult to find ;)

PS - thank you to all my friends, who wholeheartedly assure me that I am not (yet) a cougar!

Reason No. 4389210 I love my child...

This letter was in my mailbox, actually addressed to me in a strange looking envelope with writing I didn't quiiiite recognize. Not only that, but the letter had the wrong house number and zip code. First I thought it might be some kind of ransom letter or something :) Then I thought the writing did look a little like Logan's. So I opened it up, and read the following sweet message:

Sometimes, being a Mom is basically the best thing ever. :)

Goulash Musings

• 2 weeks ago, I was given a homework assignment. And I did it that very night! So proud. Where was this motivation when I was being graded?? This was more of a life will be better for you if you do this homework assignment. BIG thanks to my counselor who assigned me the dreaded task that I have been avoiding for months. (even if he keeps assigning me homework tasks that I loathe). Also big thanks to my friend Rachel who I confided in and forced to walk me through the entire process step by baby step. :) And since then, it's honestly like I can see clearly (cue bad rendition of I Can See Clearly Now).
• 30 and I are fighting. I'm just angry with 30, really. Because 30 didn't ask my permission to take away the ability of fitting into my favorite jeans. And 30 did not tell me that I would be ready for bed by 8pm. 30 didn't tell me that suddenly, I will need to drink a gallon of water after ONE slice of stupid pizza. And 30 ALSO forgot to inform me that it's not nearly as fun to say as 25. So for those reasons (and SO many more...)we are fighting.
• I'm not giving up my Diet Dr. Pepper. I don't care what you say.
• It has taken me 8 months and 5 days to return to what is pretty close to my natural hair color after a wild and occasionally bumpy ride to brunette-hood. It's nice to be back to myself. I'm going to try really hard to never take my natural blonde coloring for granted again. Buuuut...I can't promise much.
• I've been super struggling with the concept of talent. I'll pretty much corner anyone who will listen and demand the answer to why God would give me the ability to sing decently but not give me the ability to sing like Brooke Fraser. Listen HERE . I mean, what a rip off, right? Last week I had this kind of revelation that smacks you in the face. And it was basically that I'm here for one purpose, and one only and that's to praise and worship God. And I can be tone deaf and still do that - so my ability and level of talent is not what matters. What matters is that I do it.
• Truth be told, I miss my puppy's cute little face while I'm at work. Then I get home and she chews something up or pees on my floor and I want to string her upside down from her cute little puppy paws.
• I am still staring at a guitar my parents gave me for Christmas. I haven't even picked it up once to tune it. And that makes me mad at myself, because I have wanted to learn how to play for years.
• I started to get sucked into a super bad reality show last night called The Jersey Shore. Halfway through, I wondered why I was fighting sleep to watch a few trashy chicks throw back tequila shots like water. So I shut it off and went to bed. I triumph over you, reality show land!
• I have about 42 'million dollar ideas' floating around inside my head. Coming up with concepts is easy for me. Following through on them is definitely not my forte. Probably because most of them result from a day spent with my head in the clouds.
• Logan goes to Vermont in exactly one month. Ok, maybe a month and 2 days or so. I can't believe the year has passed, and summer has rolled around again. What am I going to do with all my free time this summer? Scary thought! I have all kinds of hopes and dreams of productivity. We shall see :)

Thoughts on Single Mother's Day...

This is the kind of Mother's Day I've always fantasized about:

(except I'd have a WAY cooler comforter)

This is the kind of Mother's Day I typically have:

Today I was thinking about what I would say for my Mother's Day blog. My initial thought was to talk about how much Mother's Day sucks as a single mom. How, for me, Mother's Day ranks right up there with Valentine's Day. How I have never gotten to sleep in on a Mother's Day, never had anyone make me breakfast or take me to brunch. How while others moms are being doted on, I'm cleaning up messes, doing laundry, making dinner, blah blah blah. Usually I hate Mother's Day with a red hot passion of a thousand burning suns. It's a blatant reminder of what a misfit I am in the "norm" of society.

This year Mother's Day has been markedly different for me. It started with Logan bringing home some things he'd made at school, like every year. But this time, his little gifts actually made me all teary eyed and sniffly.

Here you'll see a card and bookmark.
It's important to note the musical stickers.

Then I got this gift, which is one of those sunlight catcher thingies :)
It's important to note that this is in the shape of a microphone.

It was amazing and touching to me that Logan is growing up enough to really start to know who I am outside of being his mom. He understands what a big part of my life music is, and how much I enjoy being able to sing. I feel so blessed to have such a thoughtful child who is so aware of what goes on around him.

Yesterday, I had a great day with the family, spending the afternoon at the park with the kids and puppies, and having some burgers on the grill. We enjoyed the sunshine, each other and it was a perfect way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

Today - Mother's Day - I was fortunate enough to be at Crosspoint. Awesome day of worship with even awesomer friends. SOMEONE (who Logan referred to as 'that guy who helps clean up after church') was kind enough to slip Logan a $20 so he could take me out for a Mother's Day lunch, and I don't think he could have been any more excited to do this for me. What a blessing, not only for me - but for Logan - who was just so thrilled to be able to do something so grown up. He happily informed me that he would pay for my lunch, but that I would need to try to keep it under $20. Mr. Scott made sure to point out that after learning this valuable life lesson, he's pretty much ready to date :) While waiting for lunch, SOMEONE ELSE tried to slip Logan money to pay for it, but my honest little boy was proud to inform him that he already had a $20. We had a great, leisurely lunch with some of the best friends ever and people I consider to be my family. Once we got home, Logan couldn't wait for my last Mothers Day "gift" - washing my car.

I'm pretty sure that this day could not have been any better. In fact, it's probably the first Mother's Day in 8 years that I haven't wanted to hole up in a dark room listening to sad music and covering my head with my pillow. I have enjoyed every last second of it, and it's because I realized this weekend that Mother's Day may be a commercialized, Hallmark holiday that seems to be about bestowing extravagant gifts upon Mom and waiting on her hand and foot...but the real gift is the fact that God is allowing me to take the wildest and most rewarding journey of my life as a Mother. By typical standards, I went about it in a backwards way perhaps...but even so, I have been blessed with the responsiblity of raising and molding this little person. Logan's presence in my life has been earth shattering, heart wrenching, awe inspiring, deep inside my bones exhausting, thrilling, exciting, terrifying and ultimately miraculous. So, on a day where moms everywhere are being celebrated, I celebrate a God who has trusted this child to my care and am grateful for the chance I have to lead my little boy down a path of faith, virtue and goodness.

And I celebrate each and every person who played a part in making this a fabulous, not at all depressing Mother's Day. You know who you are, and I cannot express my gratitude enough for your presence in my life, and the life of my son.

You have a baby...in a job interview...

I feel pretty fortunate in today's economy to HAVE a job. So it surprises me to watch how other people conduct themselves during the application/interview/orientation process. In my job, I have the privilege of hiring individuals - and I am constantly surprised at what people think is actually acceptable behavior.

The following is a list I have been compiling in my head for awhile on things you SHOULD do if you DO NOT want to be hired. (Especially at my company)

• Show up with your baby. This is a really good idea, as every office needs a crying child, a rambunctious toddler or a stressed out mother shouting at her child to sit still.
• Show up with your Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother, Boyfriend, Grandmother, Personal Trainer, Dog, Bus Driver, favorite Walmart cashier... There is nothing that screams professional like bringing along someone to sit there and stare at the wall while you complete an application.
• Wear curlers. This is a good idea for obvious reasons. Every employer NEEDS to know what you look like straight outta bed. Right?
• Wear slippers. Again, a great idea for the above reasons. We wouldn't want to assume you are put together, responsible and take pride in your appearance. That'd be silly.
• Talk on your cell phone while you fill out the application. For even better results, talk dirty to someone on the other end. It's a good idea for the prospective employer to REALLY get to know who you are.
• Blatantly ignore all of the requirements listed on the front page of the application. We were just kidding when we said you needed to be over the age of 21, have a valid driver license and pass a criminal background check. Even if you were just arrested for assault, go ahead and fill that application out anyway. There's no way we really mean what we say.
• Show up late for your interview. Be insulted and offended if the recruiter can't interview you because she has another interview or meeting to be at. It's not YOUR fault you overslept or took the wrong exit.
• Show up late for orientation. Then show up late for subsequent training sessions. When we stress the importance of punctuality, you can ignore that. Clearly we're just jokin with ya!
• Steal or lie. Then yell and scream curse words at the employer. Threaten their very lives.
• Wear your best clubbing outfits. We love to see your cleavage, 6 inch stilletos, and short skirts - nothing says "Loves to work with seniors" more than that!
• If your best clubbing outfit is dirty, throw on a pair of jeans. Flip flops are an especially nice touch.
• Get lost on the way to the office. Call for directions. Hang up. Call back for clarification on directions. Ask if the person answering the phone knows where you are. Tell her that you are at a stop sign, near a McDonald's and that you see lots of construction. You can even tell her you are near a brick building. Repeat 14 times before you GET to the office.
• Wear a t shirt with an offensive statement on the front. This shows us that you are a warm, caring and sympathetic individual who will most assuredly work well with our vulnerable, conservative older clientele.
• During your interview, make sure to give lots of personal information about your last divorce, first husband, baby daddy (or daddies) or the falling out you had with your daughter.
• When asked why you are interested in the position, tell the interviewer you just need extra money. This helps us feel VERY confident in your motives.
• Please mispronounce words. This is especially important as it shows us you have no idea what you're talking about. It's really impressive if you mispronounce words that directly relate to the industry you are applying to. Hearing about your experience with Oltimer's makes me want to hire you on the spot!
• Fail the drug screening. When informed that you failed, act surprised and shout, "IEATALOTTAPOPPYSEEDS" or blame the positive result on your wife/boyfriend/sister/friend who smokes a lot of pot and sits right next to you while doing so.
• When you listen to the recruiter's voicemail message, make sure to do exactly what it tells you not to do. Acknowledge that you heard it, and know you're not supposed to but that you thought you would anyway. This shows us you are ready and willing to follow directions!

I think that by following these simple rules, you will guarantee a spot in the rejection letter mailing list. You can thank me later by calling to harrass me about why an offer for employment was not extended. Good Luck!