All My Delight

Today I read Mark 1:40-45. This is where the leper approaches Jesus with faith that Jesus can heal him and make him clean again, and Jesus does. He takes away the man's disease and makes him whole.

WOW.

I have struggles, issues...things I deal with on a consistent basis that interrupt my walk with Christ. We all do, it's human nature. But I realized how much I rely on my own strength to get through those moments secretly knowing that I can't. I excuse it, because - well, I'm only human. I'm trying to cheat the system. In those moments of darkness, when sin is creeping into my life - where I am turning? Am I fully surrendering to God and asking him to help and to heal me? Or am I allowing myself to fall into the same traps over and over again because it's easier and the path of least resistance. Change is hard - it's SO hard. And admitting that I cannot fight these battles alone - that my own strength is simply NOT enough is something I've been unable to fully do. There's no cheating God's system - it's a perfect system! He knows we can't do it alone, and He's waiting for us to turn towards him in complete and full surrender.

On my way to work this morning, I was rocking out to a little Hillsong United and enjoying the sunshine that has finally arrived - and the phrase "All my delight is in you Lord" stopped me dead in my tracks. Well, I was driving so that's not exactly what happened, but I stopped singing along and thought about that phrase. ALL MY DELIGHT??? ALL OF IT? That's a pretty bold statement. I mean, sure I have delight in the Lord on Sundays when I get to sing on stage with the band and when I know the people of Crosspoint are worshipping along side of us. I delight in the Lord on Wednesday nights at my Small Group when I'm surrounded by friends. I delight in Him on Thursday nights when I'm rehearsing with the band and we're singing His praise. I delight in Him when the weather is sunny and warm and I feel happy. But is ALL of my delight in Him? I'd be lying if I said it were. Am I delighting in Him when I feel broken and confused? Do I delight in Him when I see no end in sight to my single parenting journey? Or when I sit down in my office at work and complain with my coworkers about the company...you see where I'm going with this. I started thinking about where my delight comes from. What are the things that I seek out to make me happy? We live in a world of immediate gratification, temporary fixes, band aids, and enough "medication" to numb even the most painful emotions.

A few weeks ago, after I posted my blog, a friend of mine asked me why I would blog about that stuff and post it for everyone to read. It was an off handed comment that really got me thinking...because it never occured to me NOT to post it. In fact, I found it completely strange that anyone would even ask that question. When you're excited about something - really really excited - don't you want to tell your friends about that? If the absolute best thing in the entire world just happened to you - I don't know, maybe you won a million dollars - wouldn't you share that information excitedly with everyone? So if all of our delight is supposed to be in the Lord WHY would I not be just as excited about my interactions with Him? Of course I'm excited! Of course I'm going to shout it (or blog it) as loudly as I can! Every day we are given blessings by the Lord - every.single.day. It's true - EVERY day you experience His love, and yet so many of us keep that to ourselves. We don't share it, we don't talk about our journeys, our struggles, our triumphs. In developing true community, true and authentic relationships...that's exactly what we NEED to do! For years I struggled with recognizing God's presence in my life. I had no idea what it might look like, feel like, be like - and hearing other people's stories of their relationship with God always pushed me to keep searching for that. If it was possible for someone else, it surely would be possible for me. And I feel like I'm coming to a point in my life where I AM recognizing it, and that's absolutely a result of developing honest, true and authentic relationships with genuine yet broken people who relentlessly pursue Christ and are not ashamed of talking openly about it. So today I prayed to God that I get through THIS very day delighting in Him and only Him. That my mind and heart will remain pure and open and I will be focused on Him. I will continue to strive to delight in Him, and I'll probably continue to blog about it too ;)