"What" is a four letter word.

Today is one of those days I just scratch my head and think, "What?"

This is why I should never accidentally watch the news. Don't get me wrong, I love knowing what's going on around me - I probably love it too much. I used to be obsessed with combing CNN and MSN for news headlines. The problem with this is I'm stuck reading article after article on truly tragic happenings. And as a semi pessimist (which is a new label for me, I've decided - I've always considered myself to be an optimist) I find that entrenching myself in tragedy basically sucks. I mean, I'm the girl having a panic attack under the overpass because I'm positive it's about to collapse on my car and bury me alive. Someone like me has no business reading about those events actually HAPPENING or how innocent children are being tortured and abused. And I'm a fixer in my heart - I have grand thoughts on making a difference in the world, about changing people from the inside out, about rescuing victims from their abusers. But at some point, it's just plain overwhelming. I begin to lose faith in humanity - I can't understand the reasons. I wrestle with my spirituality and my faith in God.

OK - pause. I know God never promised us a rainbow filled and cotton candy existence. I know struggle and opposition are part of the plan. But tell me it's not hard to doubt God when you read about a toddler who was murdered by her own mother. It leaves me feeling dark and wondering why - and wondering what. Seriously, WHAT is this all about? What is any of it about? How does one remain optimistic in the midst of pure chaos?

All right, let's move on from the depression.

I'm over my job justatinylittlebit. I love Human Resources - I love my coworkers, and I'm freakin fortunate to have fallen into a recession proof industry. But let's face it - I'm completely burnt out. I run the entire HR department...because I AM the entire HR department. This definitely has its perks, don't get me wrong - but the recipe for the employee that I'm trying to find is IMPOSSIBLE. There are lofty (and that's an understatement) goals to reach this year and I'm feeling overwhelmed. So besides work and Zumba kicking my ass, the good news is that the adorable little mini house in Indian Trail is mine for the taking if I so wish. Indulge me please, and look how perfect it would be for my mini family.


So I'm figuring out some final details to see if it will be a good fit for me for the next few years - we shall see!

In other news - anyone know where a girl can blog anonymously?? Hehehe. I have stuff to say!